Gone Completely

I deleted my grandmother from my phonebook last night. It's so strange how trivial a thing such as deleting a name from a contacts list can appear so monumental, especially when that person meant so much to you. That damn screen "Delete? Grandma" Yes or No. It makes you choose. Delete them from your life? Yes or No. There are no maybes. She already eliminated me from her life. She made that choice a year and  a half ago. Regardless of whether or not she has control over her state of mind, she certainly knows that she could seek help or treatment. She's choosing to do nothing. Not only has she remained passive in seeking treatment, but has angrily rejected anyone who offers her help. Thus, in my mind she has chosen to "delete" me and the rest of the people who love her. 

The only way I would talk to her is if I called her. I've called her twice since this all started and each call has reduced me to hysterics and then weighed on my mind for weeks. Now I can't call her anymore. I will never speak to her again. That's what made me pause for so long. I literally stared at that damn screen for at least five minutes. I couldn't make myself hit the button because I knew that once I did there would be no possibility of me speaking to her ever again. Of course, I could always get her number from my parents but I won't. I needed this closure, and now I have it. I only have two grandparents now.