This trumped Junot Diaz

I still haven't posted about Junot Diaz coming to Miami, and I might get around to it eventually. Just a forewarning, it is 2:30 in the morning so this post is very awkwardly written. I'm attempting to embody what this experience meant to me, and I'm always terrible at that. Good thing I'm an English Major right? At least I'm not in creative writing. I'll probably revise the post a million times just because I'm obsessive like that. And this will probably be a long post as well. Anyway, onward.

I went to a new church today. It was the first time I've been to church in Oxford. Luke needed to attend a gospel music event of some sort for a class, and his professor is the music director at the First Baptist Church of Oxford, so we went. I had many misgivings. For starters, I wasn't sure what Baptist meant in the title of the church. I mean, I know it has to do with baptism etc., but I'm not sure how Baptist churches tend to run their congregation. I'm still not sure I do, but it doesn't seem to matter in the end. 

I am also always a little nervous at attending a new church because I'm never sure how everything is run, and I'm just always a little uncomfortable. This turned out to be an unnecessary fear as luke and I met a middle aged woman in the parking lot who guided us through the service. She was so friendly and understanding and sat right behind us giving us guidance on what was going on when without us even asking. If we ever had any questions all we had to do was turn around to look at her and she would whisper a comforting explanation, or smile and say something encouraging. I can't express in words just how thankful I am for her and her warmth. I'm not sure we would have had the same experience if it were not for her. 

Then there is the nervousness in being the only white people in the church when I'm used to attending a predominantly white church. That didn't turn out to matter either. These people were so incredibly welcoming, so...... nice. Genuinely nice. There were no strings attached. I didn't feel as if they were nice to us so we would come back, to save our souls, or anything in between. There have been moments (not just in church but in all kind of different situations) that I've felt like people treated non-christians as potential notches on their Christianity belt. It's as if the whole "I'm taking as many people to heaven with me as I can when I die" idea turned into a personal trophy of self-righteousness rather than being about the people searching for something more. There was no hint of that feeling at this place. It's hard to explain, but it's exactly what I've always wished to find in a congregation. 

I will admit that I was nervous about going to church with Luke. I felt like I was presenting something that I care very deeply about for his interpretation and criticism. And I felt a little vulnerable in doing so. I know he has had some bad experiences with churches and what not. I've always gotten the impression that he's been somewhat afraid of churches. Maybe not fear in the usual sense, but perhaps a fear based on cynicism and a lack of trust. However, when we came out of there he was the first one saying "we're going back there again!". He picked up on the overall human quality that church possessed even more than I did. There was something so genuine in their humanity and in their faith that it moved both of us, although in very different ways.  At this point I'm really glad I never tried very hard to get him to go to Southbrook. I don't think it would have been what he was looking for, and maybe even put him off more just based on the incredible size of the place. 

I do love Charlie's sermons. Whether I agree with him or not, I do tend to come out of church critically thinking about something in my life I would not otherwise had thought to address. However, the sermon at the First Baptist Church was wonderful in its own right. It seemed fairly simple, yet profound. He preached about hope, strength, and having the faith in God that you can cast your burdens on him and everything will be okay. Maybe not immediately, but that's where the hope and strength bit came back in again. This was a very small church. I would guess that no more than 20-30 people were in the church, but that enabled them to focus a great deal on a sense of community. They had a cluster prayer to start where everyone came to the front (only if you wanted to) and prayed silently, but together. This happened again later on in the service. Then, half-way through the sermon everyone came to the front again and waved their palms together (palm sunday) while he continued the service. This intimate sense of community something that I feel like is missing in Southbrook. I'm not saying that this is intentional, but that the number of people attending has grown so large that it's impossible to have that same feeling. I'm actually impressed with the amount of intimacy Southbrook is able to create in spite of its size, but it is still nothing like the church I attended today. It's great that so many people are finding something they are looking for in Southbrook, but it's just a personal preference of mine. 

Then of course we come to the music. I've been telling my dad for a while now how much I wish that Southbrook would do a gospel number or two sometimes. The music at Southbrook never moves me. I feel like we're trying too much to be a rock band rather than helping people connect to God. Again, that's just me and my personal preferences. I love bare vocals in worship. Here was just a piano and singing. It was simple, yet complex, and absolutely beautiful. And alive. I certainly plan on going back for the rest of this year, although I'm not sure I'll continue to attend next year by myself, but I guess we'll see.